Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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