I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
