I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
