I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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