My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
