I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
