yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
