booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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