finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
how does that bad decision feel?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
