wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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