Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think a kid would responsible me up
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
