the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have aggressive nipples.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
