If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She even gives head with a lisp.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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