Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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