I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
