i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
