Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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