I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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