Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
