its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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