I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
