my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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