A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
