11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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