These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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