You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
