the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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