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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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