It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
