Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
not ubering you a puppy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
