I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
