i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
