Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
