Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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