I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
