so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
