So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
