He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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