He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
