we have officially lost it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
