Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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