I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
