i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
