you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just google imaged poop.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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