I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
