omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Success! We fucked roommates!
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