I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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