I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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