legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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