I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
