She is in my trunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
