did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
