i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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