She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
