I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
