Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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