hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
