You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
