She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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