Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
