I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
