My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
