im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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