You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
