I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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