someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
