Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
