she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
