He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
