my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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