I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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