This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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