now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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