There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
