drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
