She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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